New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I pour the whiskey from now on
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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