were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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