my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
