my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
