can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
