TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
