I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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