That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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