my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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