just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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