Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
In America we eat man semen.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
