I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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