she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
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she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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