You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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