There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
