The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
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If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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