I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
