The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize