During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
