Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
