I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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