3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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