Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
