Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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