is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
