u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
