there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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