i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
