i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
