i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
