You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i've created a new STD.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
