I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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