Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
