There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
