Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
