this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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