I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
