Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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