first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
