Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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