i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
