Yo dont text me then not text me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
