anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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