he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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