Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you would pick up someone in the library
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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