I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize