I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
