it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
