My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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