my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
