He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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