I'm so fucking centered right now
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
