I can tuck mytits in my pants
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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