his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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