Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she told me i tasted like america
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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