i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
