The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
