Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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