I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
