I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
