last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
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I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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