hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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