I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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