My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
