Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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