I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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