do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
