I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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