When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
