last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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