god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
