so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
