Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
