we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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